As a young school girl, I always got my birthday off from school because I was born on October 12. It was designated as Columbus’s Day. I was happy to have been born on such an historic day. Two of my friends who share my birthday seem to feel the same way. In my history classes, I was taught that Columbus discovered America on October 12, 1492. It became a national holiday in 1938, and even today, Americans get the day off from work to commemorate the day.
    I must say, I was throughly disappointed when I learn that I had been fed misinformation all those years. So were my friends who share my birthday. I imagine many of today’s students are also given pause and wonder about this and other lessons taught. Columbus did not discover America. In fact, lots of people were here and had been here some 20,000 years. So, to say he discovered is a misnomer. In reading the genetic code of nearly all native Americans, it is they who deserve the credit for discovering America.
    According to Brian Regal, Fellow of the Kean University Center for History, Politics, and Policy “Many animals were here and soon humans followed. In fact, all of North and South America contained are a variety of cultures stretching back before recorded history.” And people have been coming here ever since, chasing a better life, abundant food, water, shelter and opportunity. And what is clear is that America was a melting pot hundreds of years before the Statue of Liberty began urging the world, "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.” That remains true today.     
    In fact, scholars have known for decades that Columbus did not actually discover America and he never made it to its shores. He made it to what we now call the Caribbeans but not to the mainland. There was a long line of explorers who made it to the new world before he did. It’s more accurate to say Columbus introduced the Americas to Western Europe and paved the way for the massive influx of western Europeans that would ultimately form several new nations including the United States, Canada and Mexico. And for the native peoples who were already here, it was the opening of their land, people and cultures to disease, death and destruction.
    Poets, writers, historians and clergy got busy creating the new nation’s story. They embraced Columbus as the American hero. And I suppose the young nation needed a hero. He fit the bill; European, Christian and male. These stories are designed to make us feel special and good about our selves, to help us connect with others and to build a shared identity as a nation. We embraced these stories not knowing they bare little resemblance to historical truth.
    So, for me, the question remains. What must we pass on to the generations that follow us? Will it be truth or fiction? Truth, that symbolizes the solid, firm, upright and unshakable steadfastness of reality, or fiction, that deliberately false or improbable account of reality. Is truth the virtue that is used to build character of a person or a nation or shall we bend and blend it to suit our purposes? If we chose fiction, are we admitting that something is very wrong with how we’re living our lives and managing our nation? If that is so, shouldn’t we be about the work on fixing it rather that fictionalizing it?         The tales of America’s origin are messy and complex and I wonder what it would have looked like if we had been given the truth rather than fiction. It’s common for people to share only versions of the reality that they believe are acceptable to others and in the process, paint a different version of the truth. But truth doesn’t have versions. The truth is the truth. Some people believe you need lies to survive in a relationship. But lies don’t just hurt relationships, they can destroy them.
    The truth may be hard to face, hard to hear and hard to understand but it does exist. And that is what we need to pass on.
What’s a Person To Do?
1. Endeavor to be truthful. Stop and listen to your self critical voice. Find your truth and share that. Remember that only the truth will set you free.
2. Take a chance on people and be open honest and direct with them. The truth may not always be easy to hear, but in the long run, you will earn a lot more trust and respect from people when you are truthful.
3. To gain trust, you must tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may. If it’s important for people to trust you, your words must be reflected in your actions. No one is perfect and that includes all of us. The truth is often not easy to take but it’s the only way to find peace and a sense of security in the life you have created for yourself.
    So while you're enjoying the Columbus Day, remember the truth is more important than the fiction and in the end, however, it matters less who discovered American than what we do with and for our country and the people who are here today.

Women have loved others, cared for others and in general, fought for other when no one else was watching their backs. Still, this 2017, full equality for women is yet to be realized. Woman and girls are struggling to gain equal footing in work forces while in many cases, are the sole support for their families. For example, women doctors are paid 8% less than their male counter parts who are similarly trained and experienced. At academic hospitals, male physicians receive more research funding and are more than twice as likely as female physicians to rise to the rank of full professor. Yet,(according to research reported in Journal of the American Medical association (JAMA) female physicians actually tend to provide higher-quality medical care than males. JAMA further announced “If male physicians were as adept as females, some 32,000 fewer Americans would die every year—among Medicare patients alone.”
    In other research, girls as young as 6 years old begin to think of themselves as less smart than their male classmates. Psychologist noted that expectations for girls and boys are different. In much of our parenting, we protect our daughters and  permit our sons to soar. The reality is this type of parenting that stunts girls’ growth, self-confidence and drives them to believe that they are not equal to men. Even young boys recognize the unfairness of it. Imagine the implied messages that is processed by the growing brain of dolls and cars or airplanes as gifts. And while both girls and boys need to learn to nurture, everyone also need to learn to soar.
    A concept worth considering is-When women and girls succeed, America Succeeds. Women have helped us all to live better lives.  And it’s time to salute them for their efforts and to move their efforts forward.
    March is Women's History Month which has been celebrated since 1987. It’s an annual series of events that highlights the contributions of women to events in history and contemporary society. Still, we must acknowledge, there much to be done.
    In the words of President Barack Obama “Throughout our Nation's history, American women have led movements for social and economic justice, made groundbreaking scientific discoveries, enriched our culture with stunning works of art and literature, and charted bold directions in our foreign policy. They have served our country with valor, from the battlefields of the Revolutionary War to the deserts of Iraq and mountains of Afghanistan. During Women's History Month, we recognize the victories, struggles, and stories of the women who have made our country what it is today.  
    Will this be the time when women and girls in America can gain full equality? Is this the decade when girls are no longer discouraged from having passion and dreams for careers in science, technology, engineering, and mathematics? That’s where the money is and the men too, to that matter.
    Again according to President Barack Obama, “We are reminded that even in America, freedom and justice have never come easily. As part of a centuries-old and ever-evolving movement, countless women have put their shoulder to the wheel of progress–“
    Does it make sense to you that as much as they have contributed and sacrificed, women and girls continue to face workplace discrimination, a higher risk of sexual assault, and face earnings gap that will cost them hundreds of thousands of dollars over the course of her working lifetime? I believe most of you would say no to this question.
    Because each person has personal power, each of us can be an agent of change. With a common purpose of working for a better world, each of us can contribute to the process.
 What’s A Person To Do?
1. Be the change you want to see. Allow children live in a world where love is unconditional and gender neutral.
2. If you are an employer, give equal pay for equal work to all employees.
3. In family life, establish a set of values that all family members must follow.
4. At home, model equal family responsibilities between moms and dads.  
5. At home, assign chores equally. All hands can do dishes, make beds and nurture others.
6. Strive to treat your male and female children equally.
7. Refrain from telling or listening to gender specific dirty jokes even if you’re at a bar.
8. Toys need not be gender specific. Girls may strive to fly planes and drive cars and boys may enjoy playing with Barbie.  

   

Almost without us looking, a new concept has crept into our vocabulary and added another must do to the job for parents and folks who help children grow up to be healthy, functional and wise adults. Unlike math, reading, science and social studies, soft skills are about communicating, relating with others, and self discipline. These interpersonal skills may not be taught in schools’ curriculum, but like learning to spend wisely and balance your check book, learning them is necessary to prevent problems and gain success in the future. Soft skills are really social skills that needed for interacting with others.
    So, here is one list and there are others depending on the setting.
1. Manners
Being willing to say please, thank you, you’re welcome, yes ma’am, no sir. Hold the door open for someone? You get the point
2. Communication
A willingness to look the person in the eyes and speak to them in a clear concise way to get your point across.
3. Listen
A willingness to listen when others are speaking.
4. Build rapport
A willingness to connect with face to face with people and make friends and alliances.
5. Empathy
A willingness to see another person’s point of view.
Solve Problem
6. A willingness to gather help from others to solve difficult tasks.
7. Self Control
A willingness to share, control anger, outbursts and other emotions, and outbursts, respect others positions and space.
8.  Self Esteem and self-Confidence
A willingness to learn to accept oneself just as he or she is.
    Remember, your child has learned many things already. Many You taught many by example. Others were learned with your instructions. Some of these suggestions won’t be new.
What’s A Person To Do?   
1. You can’t do a don’t so in your private conversations at home, instead of telling them what NOT to do, tell them what you want them To Do. “Stand up straight.” “Look her in the eyes.” “Speak Louder.”
2. Teach by example. Practice manners in your life. Always say please and thank you. Hold the door open for people and use “excuse me” and “you’re welcome.” Your children to follow suit.
3. All kids should learn a little empathy.
Expose your children to other people’s lives. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, donate items to the Salvation Army, adopt a kid for Christmas, or help put together food baskets for needy families over the holidays and deliver them together.
4. Every child needs a bit of empathy. Expose your children to other people’s lives. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, donate items to the Salvation Army, adopt a kid for Christmas, or help put together food baskets for needy families over the holidays and deliver them together.
5. Involving your child in the day to day problems of life can help build their problem solving skills. Clean up messes together, replace batteries in things, catch a fish, teach them how to run the washing machine and expect them to help washing up.
6. Kids all too often use things like good grades and popularity as metrics to measure their self-esteem. If your child gets a bad grade, tell them “it happens” and try not to make a big deal about it.
7. By far one of the most vital soft skills, self-control does not come easy for children. They have to learn no is no and how to share. Start them young on this. Arrange play dates with friends or join a local parenting group with other parents and their children.





    


A Trick

    Count your fingers. How many times have you said to your self or to a child, “Good job, keep it up”? When I was in school studying to become a psychologist, the words poor self-esteem was often used by teachers and often followed by a poor grade on the child’s report card. For instance- if a child refused to do the required work, refused to join group activities or gave up easily on academic tasks or assigned negative attributes to him of her self like “I’m just not very smart” or “I don’t like my hair, eyes or other physical features, the diagnosis was cemented. Issues with self esteem is still with us today.
    So, really, what is self esteem and why does it matter?
Simply stated, self esteem is how we feel about ourselves. It’s a gage of how we see ourselves as valuable and worthwhile in our world. With positive self esteem, we have a sense of control over much of our lives, we feel capable, we stand up for ourselves and work to carry out our responsibilities. When we have positive beliefs and attitudes about ourselves, we are likely to do better at most of our endeavors. When we feel good about ourselves, the world looks better, our relationships seem better and our productivity increases.
    The opposite is true when we have low self esteem. We don´t feel good about ourselves. With this scenario, we are likely to be less motivated and less productive which causes us not to try to do our best. Friendships can suffer as frustrated kids seek negative attention. Children with low self-esteem may have trouble gaining the confidence they need to face and deal with their lives and learning responsibilities. This is the root of other serious challenges. For example repeated failure can lead to feelings of frustration, anger, anxiety and sadness. Children in this situation often give up and lose interest in learning.
    However, self esteem can be altered simply by living in this world. It can be build up or torn down. When children have high self-esteem they feel respected, are resilient and can feel proud, even when they screw up. They act independently and take responsibility for their actions. Typically, they are comfortable and secure in forming relationships, have the courage to believe in their ability to make good decisions that’s in their best interest even when there is peer pressure to the contrary.
    Building self-esteem is possible. Children can learn to improve how they see and value themselves and parents can help by being supportive and realistic.
What’s a Person To Do?
1. Do nothing for children that they can possibly do for themselves even though you can do it faster and better.
2. Be supportive yet realistic of the child’s efforts and hard work are important. Encourage them to take on new tasks, try new things and meet the challenges that come his or her way.
3. Help children discover their strengths and build upon them.
4. Help children perform beyond the limits they set for themselves.
5. Discourage negative self-talk.
6. Teach children positive affirmations and self compassion. Self-compassion is a willingness to look at their mistakes and shortcomings with kindness and understanding. After all, we’re all human and we’ll all make mistakes. Help them learn from their mistakes.
7. Teach them to embrace their uniqueness and refrain from comparing themselves to others. There is always someone prettier, smarter, cooler and taller. Also, there are plenty of folks that’s the opposite. No one will ever be just like your child. Each of us is unique.
8. Encourage children to hang around positive people who don’t put others down with criticism and threats. Believe me, there are many kids in these categories.
9. Remember, we all screw up. Mistakes help us learn. The key is to keep moving forward and keep trying.
    When we show kids how to be kind to themselves, their self esteem and therefore their productivity will improve.

© Dr. Rachell N. Anderson, Psy. D, August 5, 2019

Dr. Rachell Anderson is a native of Tunica, a licensed Clinical Psychologist, a Professor Emeritus and author. She taught at the University of Illinois and ran a Private Clinical Practice in Springfield, Illinois for many years. She now lives in Tunica, Mississippi and writes with the Tunica Chapter of the Mississippi Writers Guild. Check out her website at WWW.drrachellanderson.com for more articles and books she has written.    

Recently, a friend of mine lost her husband from a massive heart attack. At the funeral, stories abounded about how he passed out money to people who appeared to be homeless or down on their luck. One told of how, on a cold winter day, he took off his jacket and gave it to a man on the street who was cold and shivering. That got me thinking that he was literally a man who would give you the shirt off his back. This is a value we all could emulate. And you may wonder how did he learn these things.
    We are not born with a set of values and rules for living. We learn them from our parents and adults in our lives. We learn by what they say but mostly by what they do or don’t do. We’ll call these family Values. Family values refers to the set of principles and behaviors under which a family functions. They are
ideas, beliefs and behaviors about what’s important, what’s right and what’s not okay for being in the world.  Each family has a different set of values that are meaningful to them.
    If you could take a personal inventory, would you find honesty, trustworthiness, courage, responsibility, empathy, loving kindness, friendliness, helpfulness, patience, persistence or would it be the opposite of these things?
    Our family values are a reflection of who we are and how we teach the next generation. When we speak and live those values, our children learn to do the same. They learn to express themselves, to solve problems, to learn from their mistakes, and  to develop skills that lead to building fulfilling lives.
    Teaching our children a lesson or two about respect is one thing, but making sure we are listening to our children is an entirely different subject, and one of paramount importance.
To teach loyalty, we must demonstrate to our children that we are with them through triumph and struggles. To promote curiosity and different ways of learning, we must encourage and provide opportunities for discovery. To develop sociability, we must teach cooperation, listen to their ideas without blaming, shaming or condemning ideas that’s different from ours. To develop resilience, we must allow them to meet challenges, make mistakes, experience failures and garner the wear-with-all to make the necessary repairs. We must hold them accountable for their actions so they can learn to make amends for the mistakes they cast toward others. We forgive them when they wrong us so they can learn to forgive others who wrong them. We struggle to make our best decisions, achieve our goals and solve problems and seek help when don’t have the answers. We do these things so they can learn that so much of life requires reflections and hard work. We help others in need to show our children how to make a difference in the world.
    We laugh, we play and have fun and, we have dreams of our own that we are working to realize. Our children need to know that we are human being who have needs of our own and who are growing and imperfect.
What’s A Person To Do?
1. Take an inventory of your personal values. It’s okay to put them in writing.
2. Make every effort to live those values everyday.
3. Respond to others with kindness, empathy and gratitude.
4. Access to discover if your words and behaviors are consistent.
Because children are more likely to do what we do rather than what we tell them to do.
     When we put these values into everyday action, we help create a healthy learning environment for our children and our whole family. This allows our children to learn to chart their own course through the life they create for themselves. This way our own stories that abound are therefore in the making.  

© Rachell N. Anderson, PSY. D., June 26, 2019

What Children Can Do To Save The Earth
By
Dr. Rachell N. Anderson

    Earth gives us everything we need to live a happy, healthy life. It gives us food, water, heat, light. But without mental trickery or manipulation of the cause of catastrophic events, all we have to do is count up the degree days and we’ll see that we have some serious issues here. The human population is growing so fast and so is the amount of things we use and throw away every day! The Earth can’t keep up with all of our garbage. And as a result, the earth is warming in painful ways. The increase in Earth’s temperature is causing lots of problems for plants, animals, humans and the environment
    Maybe, most of us will no longer need our earth home but our children and grandchildren will. Therefore, it’s our responsibility to teach our children how to take care of our earth home.
    Our children are constantly learning how they can make a difference in the world. Taking care of the planet and preserving our resources can be incorporated in the lessons we teach about how to be in the world. Even small steps can make a big difference.
    With the help of Dr. Google (HaHa) I found a number of ideas that resonated with me and I hope they will be helpful for you and the children in your care and guidance. Let’s begin with what I call the 3 Rs; Reduce, Re-Use & Recycle. These are things we can teach them and do ourselves.
What’s A Person To Do?
1. Turn off the lights, TVs, and appliances in all rooms that are not presently in use.
2. Avoid long showers and turn off the water while brushing your teeth, lathering your hands and applying the shampoo. Use water saving appliances when possible. Check the water rating before you buy. Use energy-efficient light bulbs. Wash your car on the grass.
3. Turn the thermostat up a few degrees in the summer and down a few degrees in winter. Open the windows whenever possible.
4. Save gas by driving slower, driving less and when possible, walk, bike or carpool or take a bus. Refuse to leave the car to idle more than a minute or two.
5. Use less plastic. Get Re-usable water bottles for all family members. If a plastic container is used, wash it and re-use it as many times as feasible. Instead of buying individually-packaged drinks, buy drinks in a bulk container and reusable water bottles. Take a reusable bag to the grocery store or ask for paper instead of plastic. The cloth ones last almost forever. Plastic is polluting our oceans and land and it’s causing harm to humans, animals and plants.
6. Recycle things. old batteries and electronics including computers, phones, televisions and games. Also, newspaper, cans and glass bottles have additional value. Most communities have a place to do this.
7. Plant things. A new tree every year is fun. Flowers, herbs and vegetables can be used to teach your kids how to care for the garden and to eat fresh and healthy meals.  
8. Consider putting a compost bin on your property and put in all your coffee grinds, fruits and vegetable peels and left over food scraps. Composting is very good for the land because it is full of nutrients. Compost makes a good fertilize your garden.
9. Pick us the trash around your home, school or neighborhood. And make sure you don’t leave your garbage lying around. The cleaner we keep our environment, the happier we’ll be.
10. Save ink. Print things only when you have to and adjust your computer to make text easy to read when possible.
    This verse from a poem written by Jeanette Neff in 1970 show how long care for the earth has been a concern for Americans.
When it’s broken, small, or empty
Will that be that something’s end
Can we fix to”
Can we fill it?
Can we give it to a friend?
Can we make that something something else
or will that something be
just a use-it-one-time-toss-it-out,
a trash-it-1-2-3?
      Remember, the best way to teach kids to care for their environment and their future is by showing them by example. Also take the time to explain to them the importance of saving the world from dying. After all, kids are watching their parents and they learn from our example.

© Dr. Rachell N. Anderson, June 26, 20 

Raising Polite Children in A Rude World
By
Dr. Rachell N. Anderson

    In my day, Emily Post was the guru on manners and etiquette. But we didn’t need Emily to teach us how to be polite toward others. We learned it at home from our parents. The same messages were reinforced at school. The adults somehow knew that we weren’t born knowing how to behave politely so it was their jobs to teach us.
    Manners are important because they help children to get-along better in the world and become successful with their lives. According to Sheryl Eberly, mother of three and author of 365 Manners Kids Should Know, “Polite behavior will help your child's social development. Kids who aren't taught social graces from an early age are at a distinct disadvantage. An ill-mannered child is a turn-off to adults and kids alike.”  Even children don't enjoy the company of a child who doesn't know how to share or take turns.
    According to Emily Post, "Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others.” Awareness is the important word here. By the time children are 18 months of age, they have begun to notice that other people have feelings just as they do and that’s a good time to begin teaching them how to be courteous, polite and friendly. When parents start early, manners become a part of the child’s personality which is then done automatically, whether they are at home or in public. It’s like any skill that has to be learned and practiced. Learning manners is a lifelong process and it’s okay to take it slowly teaching a few skills at a time.
    So, here’s the charge for parents.
1. By age 2, children need to be able to return a "hello" when another person speaks to them. They should be able to say please,  thank you and no thank you. Begin to understand the concept of sharing and turn-taking -though they won't necessarily like it.   2. By age 3, children need to be able to eat with a spoon and fork, stay seated at the table, and wipe their mouths with a napkin.
4. By age 4, children should be able to do as they are told, wait their turn, rather than interrupt others in conversations  (unless it’s an emergency). Also they should be able to greet a known visitor with a polite hello.
5. By age 5, children should be able to hold the door for a person coming in behind them, pause before walking in front of an older person and apologize if they forget to do so.  
By age 6, Children should know not to take things that belong to others and refrain from fighting back when offended.
    Children behave best when they are given limits. In fact, they really need limits. Rules provide the predictability and stability kids need to help them feel secure and to make sense of things in this wild and crazy world.
Learning manners is a lifelong education. Eberly suggests taking it slow by “Introducing one new social skill a month  and rewarding the child with recognition when he or she does the skill being taught.
    These seem like tall orders for some parents but believe me, it’s easier and more productive to teach appropriate behavior than it is to constantly correct unacceptable behavior.
    Also, parents’ behaviors count. Make sure you are consistent. Acquiring good manners takes lots of practice and reinforcement, so make sure that you stick with it. The moment you let one thing slide, the child gets the message that it’s not important and will constantly test the limits. Too, make sure you model what you teach. That means when you make a request, you do it with a please and a thank you.
What’s A Person To Do?
1. Remember, you can’t do a don’t. So remember to say what behavior you want to see rather than what you don’t want. Sit here quietly rather than “Don’t run and shout.”
2. Model the behavior you want to see. Say please and thank you to them and to others in your circle.
3. Use social strokes to reinforce their use of the manners you are teaching. These include, smiles, pats on the back, a wink, thumbs-up, and words like “you did a good job of not hitting when Johnny snatched your Tinker Toy.
4. Develop a signal your child can use to indicate that he needs you when you’re busy with other things. Raising his index finger is an example given by Eberly.
5.  Before you go to the grocery store for instance, tell your child what behaviors you expect. Ask him or her to tell you what he or she is to do just as you get there. Compliment the right answer. Prompt him or her if he or she forgets.
6. Explain to the child why the rule is important.  
7. Pick your battles. It’s not worth it to waste time and energy enforcing rules that don’t much matter. Focus on teaching a few important safety and behavior rules. Decide up front what they’ll be. This approach even has long-term benefits, says Darwin Dorr, PhD, professor of psychology at Wichita State University “since research shows that kids who are raised with too many rules are likely to rebel later.”

Dr. Rachell Anderson is a native of Tunica, a Licensed Clinical Psychologist, a Professor Emeritus and author. She taught at the University of Illinois and ran a Private Clinical Practice in Springfield, Illinois for many years. She now lives and writes with The Mississippi Writers Guild in Tunica, Mississippi. Check out her website at WWW.drrachellanderson.com for more articles and books she has written.

Give Children The Gift of Love
By
Dr. Rachell N. Anderson
    I suspect that most of you would agree that raising a happy, loving children is one of the most important things parents can  do in this life. Yet, when I see how some children are being treated, I worry for the children and the adults they’ll grow up to be.
    Psychologist know that early experiences impact on the structure of the brain, and the kind of adults capacities children will develop. Early childhood development is the key to a full and productive life for a child and to the progress of a nation. Research shows that children who experience extreme stress in their early years are at greater risk for developing a variety of cognitive, behavioral, and emotional difficulties later in life. Early stress can affect brain function, learning, and memory negatively and permanently.
    Young brains develop quickly. By the time children reach age three, their brains are twice as active as those of adults and it is during this time that most learning occurs. Half of a person's intelligence potential is developed by age four and early childhood interventions can have a lasting effect on intellectual capacity, personality, and social behavior.
    Secure relationships with their primary caretakers create a favorable contexts for early development and learning. When children feel secure, when their needs are met, when they are provided with loving care, when caretakers respond to their needs, they learn to trust and are then able to explore their worlds, learn new skills and make wise choices as they grow into strong healthy and adults. In addition, they arephone call of text message that  able to give and receive love in return.
    It takes conscious efforts, day after day to let our children know they are loved. That may seem obvious but we are busy people, we are likely to have jobs, friends and diversions. We’re often glued to our cell phones and willing to check each call or text message that comes through. All these things take your attention away from your child. When your attention is diverted, your children feel discounted and less important. We all know the feeling. We’ve all experienced it. Right?
What’s a Person To Do?
    With help from Amy Peterson, a former high school English teacher who lives with her husband and 4 children in Oregon, here are a few tips.
1. Tell your children you love them often. This sounds obvious. But you can never tell someone you love them too often. All people love to hear that they are important to someone. These words make most of us happy and boosts their self esteem.
2. Really listen to your children. When you’re having a conversation, make eye contact and listen to what your child is telling you. You will make her feel important and loved by focusing on her completely while she is telling you a story or asking for advice. Adults don't have all. When the child is sharing a concern, just listen. There is no need to give solutions or fix the problem. Just let them talk. Most of the time, they work out their own solutions and move on.
3. Be physically and mentally there for your kids as much as possible. Listen and remain engaged. This quiet presence, support and security shows your children you care.
4. Create habits and traditions that encourage family togetherness. Whether it’s making meals together, having that jig saw forever on the table ready to put a new found piece in place of taking family vacations, give them memories they can grow
5. Encourage responsibility. Give them chores, teach them how to do them and trust them to do it right.
6. Nurture their creative spirit. Give them ample opportunities to draw, paint, compose a rhyme, do tricks with the bicycle, make loops with hoops with string and thread, tell jokes and just have silly fun.
7. Say yes more than you say NO. Count how many times you caught your child for doing something right instead of scolded him for doing something wrong. Pat yourself on the back for this insight.
8. Use the power of touch. Hugs, kisses, tickles and cuddles all feel good and lets the child know they are in your thoughts.  
9. Be there for them whether it’s throwing a basketball in the back yard, learning to play an organized sport or learning to be a boy or girl scout. Your presence is needed.     
    Loving children comes naturally to most parents, however, most of us need a reminder now and then. When you give them the gift of love you can them thrive and succeed at doing the things they love. And most of all, they’ll learn to love in return.

© Dr. Rachell N. Anderson, November 24, 2018

Dr. Rachell Anderson is a native of Tunica, a licensed Clinical Psychologist, a Professor Emeritus and author. She taught at the University of Illinois and ran a Private Clinical Practice in Springfield, Illinois for many years. She now lives and writes in Tunica, Mississippi. Check out her website at WWW.drrachellanderson.com for more articles and books she had written.    

Life can be tough on people and children are no exception. Some years ago, I did therapy with a 6 year old boy who parents brought him to see me after he tried to kill himself. Fortunately, he didn’t succeed because his little hands weren’t strong enough to pull the trigger of the antique gun he found stored at home. He survived, thrived and grew up to be a very fine doctor.  
    As we watch the country’s suicide rate increase, concerns about our children's mental health is an issue for many people who are concerned with their welfare. Every 12 minutes, an American dies by suicide and people who have mental illness as adults,(according to research by the world Health Organization) 50 percent of mental illnesses that occur in a lifetime begin by age 14.
    Good mental health allows children to think clearly, develop socially and learn new skills. Additionally, good friends and encouraging words from adults are all important for helping children develop self confidence, high self-esteem, and a healthy emotional outlook on life.
    This is a nation that promotes itself with the “We the People form of government” and a place where everyone wants to be. And yet, we are allowing our citizens to smother with depression and other forms of mental illness and we stigmatize those who step forward to seek help.
    All children and youth have the right to happy and healthy lives and deserve access to effective care to prevent or treat any mental health problems they may develop. In order to live life to its full potential, our children need to have good mental health. That suggests we the people need to do what is best for them and the people around them.
    There are so many factors that can effect a child's mental health. Providing children with an environment that demonstrates love, compassion, trust, and understanding will greatly impact a child so that they can acquire skills to be productive citizens. Children who have to deal with a abuse, neglect, resentment, hatred, distrust, and constant negativity may have few cognitive and emotional reserves to build the coping skills needed navigate through life. These children tend to dislike themselves, have negative feelings, perform poorly in school, and later become involved in unhealthy lifestyles. Some children are born with mental health issues. Here, nature rather than nurture dealt a bum hand. However, if left untreated these children will likely to grow up bringing their difficulties whatever kind of life they attempt to make for themselves and their families.
    But these are solvable problems. When children are properly treated they can learn how to live a more productive life. They can overcome many of the issues that affect them. They can live happy lives that are filled with love, harmony, and a good mental health.
    The good news is that mental health disorders are treatable.
There are many different approaches to helping children struggling with emotional or mental health problems. Mental Health Professionals have many programs and formats they can offer families and their children. Many programs have been developed to help schools enhance students' health and reduce the prevalence of drug use, violence, and high risk sexual behaviors. They include Individual and family therapy or counseling, play therapy, peer-assisted learning programs aimed at improving reading, math, and science, parent education, school based strategies for teachers for effective classroom management, community based violence prevention programs administered through community recreational centers to name just a few.
    Psychologists have developed tools to assess the risk and protective factors for the mental health of children, to test them for behavioral or emotional problems, and to continually monitor treatment progress. Psychologists have also designed programs that effectively engage families, schools and communities, that is, the critical social supports that can guarantee lasting well-being for children.
    Getting help early is important. It can prevent problems from becoming more serious, and can lessen the effect they have on the child’s development.
    Unfortunately, too many children don’t get help. Mental health disorders can prevent children from succeeding in school, from making friends or becoming independent adults.    
    Mental health affects the way people think, feel and act. We all can promote good mental health by the things we say and do, and through the environments we create in our homes and in the community.
What’s a Person To Do?
1. Create a safe, positive home environment.
2. Show lots of love and acceptance.
3. Applaud children when they do well. Recognize their efforts when they are struggling.
4. Help children build strong, caring relationships with family and friends by spending time with them. Family meals help.
5. Show children how to solve problems that arise. Work with them until they get it.
6. Ask questions about their activities and interests. Listen and respect his or her feelings. Monitor their screen time. That includes the content and the time spent.
7. Learn the early signs of mental health problems and know where to go for help. Just Google it.
8. Get the child a mental health professional to talk to if she or he doesn’t feel comfortable talking to you.
9. Put some fun in the life of your family.

(C) Rachell N. Anderson, Psy. D. June 17, 2018