People Lie. We all know that. Right? Although most of us will not admit to being one of them. Whether it’s to save ourselves or to lessen the harm to others, 1 out of every 5 of our interactions with others contain a lie. For the better part of every day, we are interacting with others. Trust and betrayal are the most important issues to arise between people and the majority of communication most we hear in our culture is criticisms, judgments and lies. Not many of us have learned truthfulness and sincerity, as ways to express ourselves and honor others without alienating them.
     As shocking as it sounds, kids lie too. Researchers found that children begin to lie as young as age 2, usually to conceal transgressions. Because they are not well developed cognitively, their lies are thin and they get caught. Evidence shows that most  parents actually favor punishing deception rather than rewarding truthfulness. Kids become increasingly more sophisticated at  lying as they get older. By late childhood it is almost impossible for adults to tell if a kid is lying or telling the truth.
    Meanwhile, most of us agree that trust is an essential foundation to a life of civility. Lying erodes trust. We espouse beliefs such as "Honesty is the best policy", "The truth will set you free", “Above all, to thine own self be true, then you can’t be false to any man.” But, we aren’t very good at doing what we believe to be the right thing.
     In a civilized world, honesty and compassion must go hand in hand. Honesty is the complement to caring and compassion. Because of how powerful compassion is at creating connection sometimes compassion is given priority over honesty. That’s one of the reasons some people use to justify using what they call Little White Lies. Honesty is important regardless. Without the honesty noone can really be understood.
    To help parents teach useful skills, B.F. Skinner developed the concept and child developmental professional have advised parents to try to ignore children's bad behavior and reward their good behavior. Positive reinforcement amounted to Catching kids doing good and paying attention to that. Negative reinforcement is more like intimidation, threats and punishment. In other words, positive actions are more effective than negative ones and better results. For most parents, that seems counter-productive. Many think ignoring is the same as tolerating and it seems like they are failing to do their duty as parents. Most ignore the advise and punish anyway.  
    To test the effectiveness of this idea, a team of psychological scientists from Cambridge Center for Behavioral Studies worked with groups of kids ages 3-7 to see if just a brief, but engaging exposure to moral instruction tempered kids’ natural deceptiveness. They designed an elaborate experiment in which 3- to 7-year-olds were given a fairly irresistible opportunity to cheat in a game, and then were asked whether or not they had cheated. In the experimental group one of three stories; Pinocchio, The Boy Who Cried Wolf, and George Washington and the Cherry Tree were read to the kids. Kids in the control group heard The Hare and the Tortoise, which does not deal with honesty or lying.

and if any of the three stories was more effective than the others.
 with an honesty test, But before the honesty test, each of the kids heard a reading of one of the three stories.. Then used three morality tales to instruct them about morality in an abstract way and also to shape their moral behavior. The results were intriguing—and unexpected. As reported
    Both approaches can motivate and sustain performance
    The scientists predicted that all three of these stories would be effective in promoting honesty in kids. .    The results were intriguing—and unexpected. As reported in an article to appear in the journal Psychological Science, both Pinocchio and The Boy Who Cried Wolf failed to moderate the kids’ tendency to lie about their own transgressions.  Only George Washington and the Cherry Tree significantly increased the likelihood that the cheating kids would tell on themselves—and this effect was found regardless of age.
    So why would these classic tales of lying and consequences not do their job? Well, the scientists suspected that it might be the nature of the consequences. Both Pinocchio and the shepherd boy experience very negative consequences as a result of their dishonesty—public humiliation in one case, a violent death in the other. Young George’s story, by contrast, emphasizes the virtue of honesty and sends the message that truth telling leads to positive consequences. Lee and colleagues ran another experiment to These results taken together suggest the opposite—that emphasizing the positive value of honesty is more effective than accentuating the negative.

Dr. Rachell Anderson is a licensed Clinical Psychologist, a Professor Emeritus and author. She taught at the University of Illinois and ran a private Clinical in Springfield, Illinois for more than 40 years. She now lives in Tunica, Mississippi and writes with the Tunica Chapter of the Mississippi Writers Guild. Check out her website at WWW.drrachellanderson.com for more articles and books she has written.

On December 10th, the world will celebrate the Universal Day for Human Rights. Adopted in 1950, it proclaimed a common standard towards which individuals and societies should strive. It states that all human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights; that fundamental human rights shall be universally protected, covering all aspects of a human life – civil, cultural, economic, political and social. The Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR) was a shout across the world stating loud and clear that no matter where we live, what we believe, or how we love, we are each individually deserving of the most basic fundamentals of human needs from food, shelter, and water to access to free and uncensored information.
    The responsibility to protect and respect Human Rights falls on all segments from States, international, national, state, local and our covenant with one another. As individuals, you and me – while we are entitled to our own human rights – have responsibilities for respecting the human rights of others.
    Today, poverty prevails and so does the way we often look at and treat the other. Both are grave human rights challenges in the world. Combating poverty, deprivation and exclusion is not a matter of charity, and it does not depend on how rich a country is. By tackling poverty as a matter of human rights obligation, the world will have a better chance of abolishing this scourge in our lifetime... Poverty eradication is an achievable goal.
    With information taken from the website of UDHR this year, Human Rights Day calls on everyone to stand up for someone's rights! It is everyone's responsibility to uphold human rights. Every one of us should take a stand. Step forward and defend the rights of a refugee or migrant, a person with disabilities, an LGBT person, a woman, an indigenous person, a child, a person of African descent, or anyone else at risk of discrimination or violence. Or, I might add, hunger.
    With the upcoming of our season of giving we may consider advice from a man who gave us many laughs and heart warming lessons. Dr. Seuss once wrote: “What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store? What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more?” The Grinch had to learn the lesson the hard way, but at this time of year, are we guilty of the same? There  might be another way of giving, wrapping it in love than in paper.
What’s a person To Do?    
1. Get out there and make a difference, whether it’s holding open a door, making it easier for someone who is using a wheel chair to enter or refusing to listen to jokes or negative messages about groups of people.
2. Look around your neighborhood and see what you can do. Stand between a bully and a child who is being mistreated because of his or her size, looks or disability.
3. Read to a child or offer to shop for a neighbor who has problems getting to the store.
4. Make a donation to one of the dozens organizations that work to make people’s lives better or start your own drive to help organizations who are fighting the the rights of people and against hunger and poverty.
5. Pick up the trash that’s collecting on the street. Better still, make sure none of it’s yours.
6. Giving care packages of toothpaste, shampoo and other necessities for people who are without a home can go a long way to help fill human needs and change quality of life for someone.
7.  Give time and money to organizations that work globally to help others or organize a donation drive of your own to help fight the good fight.
8. Most of all, if you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours.
     Just a few ideas, but you get the point.

  Dr. Rachell Anderson is a native of Tunica, a licensed Clinical Psychologist, a Professor Emeritus and author. She taught at the University of Illinois and ran a Private Clinical Practice in Springfield, Illinois for many years. She now lives in Tunica and writes with the Tunica Chapter of the Mississippi Writers Guild in Tunica, Mississippi. Check out her website at WWW.drrachellanderson.com for more articles and books.

            Out Of The In-Crowd?
    In my day, Ramsey Lewis’ song “I’m In With The In Crowd I go where the "In" crowd goes ..I know what the "In" crowd knows.” was popular and is still enjoyed today. The lyrics have kept a shine because they touch something basic in all of us.
    We live for human connection. We greatly desire relationships because they increase our confidence and self-esteem. They make us feel important, worthy, and connected. We all need others to help us develop our personalities and grow intellectually.  
    At the same time, both adults and children have experienced  being intentionally left out, discounted or ostracized. This intentional behavior in which a group or individual excludes and ignores another group or individual is present nearly everywhere. Ostracism causes real pain because our basic needs for belonging, self-esteem, control, and recognition is thwarted. Research suggests that the absence of close social bonds is strongly linked to depression, unhappiness and other troubles.
    The psychological experience of being ostracized is painful.
It dramatically raises anxiety levels and causes depression and despondency. Physical pain is often present because ostracism activates the part of the brain that handles pain management.
Ostracism causes many people to withdraw from social connection and activities that they previously enjoyed and feel isolated and lonely.
    Children as young as 5 are sensitive to being excluded. This suggests we recognize early, even the subtlest indications of rejection. And according to Rachel Watson-Jones, researcher in the psychology department at the University of Texas at Austin, “Humans have an evolutionary prepared ostracism-detection system.”    
    For kids on the playground, adults in the workplace, or couples who employ the silent treatment when they have disagreements, being left out affects the brain. When it comes to dealing with ostracism, there's a whole package of behaviors, thoughts, and perceptions people use to try to improve their chances to get included. Even young children will change their behaviors in an attempt to mimic the group’s rituals in order to re-affiliate with the group. “Whether it’s the way they dress, play, eat, or activities in which they participate, a child will imitate the behavior of others to make it look like they are part of that group.” says Watson-Jones. They may go out of their way to please. Others get on the outs by trying too hard to be funny, being a spoil sport, demanding inclusion or becoming angry when things don’t go their way. Some people try to force others to pay attention to them. Some people crave connection so strongly they make bad choices and chose to be with people whose values are inconsistent with their own.    
    The depth and gravity of ostracism are usually not understood. Generally, people are likely to discount, minimize and invalidate the pain others feel from ostracism. “Some ostracized people will act out in inappropriate ways to try to get those ostracizing them to notice them any way they can, because, negative attention feels better than no attention. In the most extreme cases, ostracism can lead to violence or suicide.” says Cristine Legare.
    As a new school year begins, you may negate Ramsey’s lyrics “You ain’t been nowhere till you been in with "In" crowd.” We may enjoy but, we don’t need the “In” crowd. However it’s important to keep a watchful eye to help people being ostracized and move to prevent those who may ostracize others.  
What’s A person To Do?
1. Chill out. It’s counter productive to react by arguing, begging, crying, or pleading to be included. These behaviors invites more rejection.
2. Encourage people to be good sports. People who struggle socially often have a hard time coping with winning and losing. They may argue, cheat, shove, or become very upset if things don't go their way. These behaviors spoils the fun for everyone.
3. Noone needs to be funny to fit in. When attempts at humor are even a little bit "off," they're not funny; they're annoying.
4. Learn how to join in. Compliments (“Nice shot” or “Good Job or Looks like fun”) work better than criticism. People who are rejected often push too hard, too soon, at trying to connect.
5. The greatest threat occurs when people are ostracized by a love relationship, a relative, or a friend. Make sure you’re not doing that.
6. Out of the “In” Crowd? No worry. The research shows that having one good, close, friend is sufficient for most of us.

© Rachell N. Anderson, Psy. D. August 31, 2016

  Dr. Rachell Anderson is a native of Tunica, a licensed Clinical Psychologist, a Professor Emeritus and author. She taught at the University of Illinois and ran a Private Clinical Practice in Springfield, Illinois for many years. She now lives in Tunica and writes with the Tunica Chapter of the Mississippi Writers Guild in Tunica, Mississippi. Check out her website at WWW.drrachellanderson.com for more articles and books she has written.

As we prepare for the soon upcoming end to the school year and when children more under foot, I began thinking about the many parenting issues that arise during this time. Indeed, the nearly 4 million incidences of child abuse occurred in the United States in 1915. My suspicion is these incidences of abuse occurred not because these children are unloved but, most likely, because parents act out their frustration in the process of disciplining.  
    Parenting is not for wimps. Truly, parenting is really hard. And while we are forced to take a test before getting a drivers license, there is no such requirement for the raising our most precious cargo, our children.
    Many parents believe that strict parenting produces better behaving kids. However, research studies on discipline is consistent and shows that strict, or authoritarian, parenting actually makes unhappy kids who feel bad about themselves and behave worse. This leads parents to believe more punishment is needed to make them comply.
    Permissive parenting doesn’t fare any better. When parents don’t set limits and cater to children’s every need, their children, don’t develop the ability to manage their emotions and behavior are seen as spoiled and lazy.
    All children need limits to feel safe. Discipline is an important and effective tool, but parents need to use it in a way that keeps the child’s dignity intact. Discipline is not the same as harsh punishment. It is simply teaching children which behaviors are acceptable and which ones are not.
    Disciplining with love is a kind of Positive Parenting that allows parents to set limits effectively without yelling, name-calling and hitting.
     The word "Discipline" means to teach. This raises the question of how kids learn how to behave. Research shows that children learn best when they are given instructions, feel  valued, and not put on the defensive.
what’s a Parent To Do or Not Do?
    Here are my ground rules for effective parenting.     
1. Never hit, spank, shake, or slap your child. Psychologists know that these behaviors teach that violence is a way to solve problems. They also become sneaky, doing what they want under cover. Further, some children learn to fear and lose trust in parents and others in authorities. Even if it stops an unwanted behavior temporarily, studies show that children who are hurt by parents are more likely to hit and fight with other children, steal things, and engage in other anti-social behaviors. They are also more likely to act out in violent, aggressive ways when they become adults.
2. Avoid yelling, blaming, or calling children names for their bad behaviors. Instead, Speak firmly, but kindly in a conversational tone. Be calm and describe the behavior you want to see.
3. Tell the child what to do instead of what he or she is doing. For example “Jump on the floor, not on the couch. The couch is for sitting.” Acknowledge when he or she complies. “ Say, That’s it. Or good job.
4. Find alternatives to physical punishment. Consequences that are logical for the transgression teach control and work better.
5. Also catch the child doing good and praise a job well done. Teachers call it “catching your child being good.”
6. Acknowledge your child’s feelings. You can say, “I see you are feeling upset. What’s going on?
7. Parenting is hard and we all get frustrated with our children’s behavior. Some of us get so angry we want to explode. When that happens, give yourself a time out. Go to the bathroom, take a few deep breaths and cool down.
8. Model the behavior you want to see. Children will likely follow your lead. If children repeatedly see parents acting out, they won’t know how to act differently.
8. Use loving words. Tell your children how much you love them, how much they mean to you, and how much you believe in them.
    Remember, our children are our future and are precious that we’ve been given. With love and kindness, discipline can be a positive experience.

© Dr. Rachell N. Anderson, March 6, 2017    

Dr. Rachell Anderson is a native of Tunica, a licensed Clinical Psychologist, a Professor Emeritus and author. She taught at the University of Illinois and ran a Private Clinical Practice in Springfield, Illinois for many years. She now lives in Tunica and writes with the Tunica Chapter of the Mississippi Writers Guild in Tunica, Mississippi. Check out her website at WWW.drrachellanderson.com for more articles and books.

Dr. Rachell N. Anderson
    Most of us have times when things are not pretty, when times are tough, when it seems like the world we know is crumbling around us; we may become frustrated and it’s hard to find a reason to be joyful.
    As the new year begins, many of us may be thinking that no new year’s resolution (even if followed) has the power to help us to survive the year ahead. It's true that life is going to be difficult in new and complex ways. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the uncertainty for the coming year, it may be helpful to consider a new perspective for coping. Coping requires clarifying your thinking, adjusting your expectations, finding the good that is present in the world and growing from our misfortunes.
    First, it’s important to distinguish Joy from Happiness. Happiness suggests that you are free of trouble, worry and care.  However, that feeling is temporary. You’re happy when things go as you think they should but when things change toward the negative, your happiness is gone. Joy is about shifting your focus to what is good and right in the world. So, happiness is fleeting, but joy sticks around. Joy is there if you look and think hard enough. When you do, you’ll find something for which to be thankful that will help you to keep on keeping on.
    Start with the basics. Be thankful for something, no matter how small: for another day, for the beauty of nature; for the smile of a stranger; for the love of those who care. Then, this is harder to accept for most people but you can be thankful situation that’s causing you pain. Tough times help us to grow our character and preseverence. People grow very little when they are happy. However, when we have hard times, when we’re in the midst of struggles, when we’re at the end of our rope, our survival instinct kicks in, we get tough, creative and ready to tackle the situation head on. Trials are no fun, but they make us stronger. Happiness won't get us through hard times in the long run but Joy will.
    We have entered a period of profound changes for ourselves and our nation, both the goodness and the difficulty need to be acknowledged. So, how does a person go about being joyful during these difficult times?
    Psychologists draw on an ever-expanding body of scientific knowledge about how we think, act and feel and they apply the information to help make things better for us all. Here are some tips for having a more joyful new year.
What’s A Person To Do?
1. Decide how you want to be a part of the solution rather than using your time complaining about the things that are causing pain.
2. Select the things you can change and set realistic, attainable goals for changing them. Let go of the rest.
3. Embrace change. Things will not always be as you want them to be. Keep a journal and evaluate your progress this time next year.
4. No matter what happens find good in it. And find the good in each person you meet.
© Rachell N. Anderson, Psy. D. December 21, 2016

  Dr. Rachell Anderson is a native of Tunica, a licensed Clinical Psychologist, a Professor Emeritus and author. She taught at the University of Illinois and ran a Private Clinical Practice in Springfield, Illinois for many years. She now lives in Tunica and writes with the Tunica Chapter of the Mississippi Writers Guild in Tunica, Mississippi. Check out her website at WWW.drrachellanderson.com for more articles and books.

Stick Up For Our Woman And Girls
By
Dr. Rachell N. Anderson
    Women have loved others, cared for others and in general, fought for other when no one else was watching their backs. Still, this 2017, full equality for women is yet to be realized. Woman and girls are struggling to gain equal footing in work forces while in many cases, are the sole support for their families. For example, women doctors are paid 8% less than their male counter parts who are similarly trained and experienced. At academic hospitals, male physicians receive more research funding and are more than twice as likely as female physicians to rise to the rank of full professor. Yet,(according to research reported in Journal of the American Medical association (JAMA) female physicians actually tend to provide higher-quality medical care than males. JAMA further announced “If male physicians were as adept as females, some 32,000 fewer Americans would die every year—among Medicare patients alone.”
    In other research, girls as young as 6 years old begin to think of themselves as less smart than their male classmates. Psychologist noted that expectations for girls and boys are different. In much of our parenting, we protect our daughters and  permit our sons to soar. The reality is this type of parenting that stunts girls’ growth, self-confidence and drives them to believe that they are not equal to men. Even young boys recognize the unfairness of it. Imagine the implied messages that is processed by the growing brain of dolls and cars or airplanes as gifts. And while both girls and boys need to learn to nurture, everyone also need to learn to soar.
    A concept worth considering is-When women and girls succeed, America Succeeds. Women have helped us all to live better lives.  And it’s time to salute them for their efforts and to move their efforts forward.
    March is Women's History Month which has been celebrated since 1987. It’s an annual series of events that highlights the contributions of women to events in history and contemporary society. Still, we must acknowledge, there much to be done.
    In the words of President Barack Obama “Throughout our Nation's history, American women have led movements for social and economic justice, made groundbreaking scientific discoveries, enriched our culture with stunning works of art and literature, and charted bold directions in our foreign policy. They have served our country with valor, from the battlefields of the Revolutionary War to the deserts of Iraq and mountains of Afghanistan. During Women's History Month, we recognize the victories, struggles, and stories of the women who have made our country what it is today.  
    Will this be the time when women and girls in America can gain full equality? Is this the decade when girls are no longer discouraged from having passion and dreams for careers in science, technology, engineering, and mathematics? That’s where the money is and the men too, to that matter.
    Again according to President Barack Obama, “We are reminded that even in America, freedom and justice have never come easily. As part of a centuries-old and ever-evolving movement, countless women have put their shoulder to the wheel of progress–“
    Does it make sense to you that as much as they have contributed and sacrificed, women and girls continue to face workplace discrimination, a higher risk of sexual assault, and face earnings gap that will cost them hundreds of thousands of dollars over the course of her working lifetime? I believe most of you would say no to this question.
    Because each person has personal power, each of us can be an agent of change. With a common purpose of working for a better world, each of us can contribute to the process.
 What’s A Person To Do?
1. Be the change you want to see. Allow children live in a world where love is unconditional and gender neutral.
2. If you are an employer, give equal pay for equal work to all employees.
3. In family life, establish a set of values that all family members must follow.
4. At home, model equal family responsibilities between moms and dads.  
5. At home, assign chores equally. All hands can do dishes, make beds and nurture others.
6. Strive to treat your male and female children equally.
7. Refrain from telling or listening to gender specific dirty jokes even if you’re at a bar.
8. Toys need not be gender specific. Girls may strive to fly planes and drive cars and boys may enjoy playing with Barbie.  

    
© Dr. Rachell N. Anderson, February 17, 2017

  Dr. Rachell Anderson is a native of Tunica, a licensed Clinical Psychologist, a Professor Emeritus and author. She taught at the University of Illinois and ran a Private Clinical Practice in Springfield, Illinois for many years. She now lives in Tunica and writes with the Tunica Chapter of the Mississippi Writers’ Guild in Tunica, Mississippi. Check out her website at WWW.drrachellanderson.com for more articles and books.