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Blue January

12/28/2014

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Blue January
By
Dr. Rachell N. Anderson
    Psychologist have observed that at this time of year, many people began to feel lost, stuck, overwhelmed and depressed. Why can January feel so blue? No more festivities and celebrations for the season, the weather, money problems, few exciting plans, low levels of motivation, and the feeling that we need to do something different in the coming year are some of the known  culprits. For many, the future seems bleak. They lose interest in things that once brought them joy and happiness and experience signs of emotional distress such as difficulty sleeping, disturbed appetite, excessive drinking, being anxious or angry. For these people, happiness and joy are in short supply and they lose sight of how to get them back. In fact, the suicide rate is highest at the beginning of the year indicating the extent to which some people give up on themselves.
    Joy and happiness are not the same but they are related. Happiness is the over all evaluation one makes about one’s life. It’s the long-term over-all feeling expressed by a person towards life. Joy is connected to a time and place whereas happiness is an average of many times. A happy person will, on average, have a lot more joyful days. But even a happy person experience some horrible days. A unhappy person can have joyful days but negate them for want of more.
    When understanding the human condition, we need to remember that the mind is like a window stuck open or stuck shut. We are limited by reality and by our perception of things. Life gives all of us challenges that can seem insurmountable. It also gives us opportunities if we open our minds. It’s how we react to things that seals our fate.
    Yes, January can be bleak but there’s an up side to the whole process. Here’s some of them. The holidays are over until next year. Good. The winter solstice happened weeks ago, the days are already getting longer and there is more daylight every morning. It’s not July or August when you’ll be sweating like a hog and trying to find one cool place. Actually it doesn’t take much bundling up to enjoy a cool winter walk. There are many bright red holly berries, blackbirds and cardinals to look at and a blue sky and the pine trees are still green. Gone are things that make us sneeze. Snakes and other wild things have gone to their special places but the sun kisses our faces nearly every day and is a welcome touch. And what about soup. There is nothing quite like a bowl of good hot soup. It’s one of my most favorite things to eat but most of us in Mississippi put it aside in the summer months and use it as a winter dish. Have a bowl.
    If you want a better, more positive life, you must take more positive, proactive actions.
What’s A Person To Do?
1. Pay your bills or at least make a plan for doing so. A realistic plan can help you to feel more energetic and accomplished. Write it down and do your best to follow the plan in the months to come.  
2. Get physical. Most people know that exercise is good for our lives. It’s good for the body and the mind. With just a little effort, you can move from a mild depression to a feeling of well being. Most doctors would rather see us do that than use a prescription. All medicines have side effects. Just 10 minutes of an aerobic exercise can have a positive effect. Try parking your car farther from the building or taking the stairs instead of the elevator. Each will help to improve your mood and energy.
3. Pay attention to your thoughts
    It’s easy to be unhappy. We Mississippians are good at finding flaws. And there are a lot of things that could be  improved. However we all have faults. They make our personalities more interesting. Focusing on the negatives tend to have negative consequences. The most common patterns of negative thinking are: a. All-or-Nothing Thinking (If it’s not perfect or all good, it’s bad), b. Discounting the Positives (To a compliment you reply “Oh, this old thing”), c. Awfulizing or catastrophizing. (When something bad happens, it’s not just bad, it’s awful). d. If something is going to happen, it'll probably won’t out well anyway.
4. Look for the sunny side
    Spring will be here soon. There’ll be warmer temperatures, green grass, beautiful flowers, wasps, snakes and mosquitos.
Enjoy winter foods and cooler weather of January? You can’t get this in July or August.
 
Dr. Rachell Anderson is a native of Tunica, a licensed Clinical Psychologist, a Professor Emeritus and author. She lives and writes in Tunica, Mississippi. Check out her website at WWW.drrachellanderson.com for more articles and books.
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OH, To Give The Gift of Love   

12/28/2014

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Oh, To Give The Gift of Love
By
Dr. Rachell N. Anderson
    We see the glittering lights of Christmas and are reminded that we must get out and buy stuff to show our loved ones, friends, and coworkers how precious they are to us. We use Christmas as the most important time to make this display. We decide what to get and how much to spend while feeling a tension growing inside of us because we know at the same time, this very gift may strengthen or lessen the fabric of these relationships.
    Unfortunately, figuring out the right gift can be very difficult because we, as a society have begun to assign such a high value on the gift. Which gift can truly measure up to this standard? Thoughts like “Was he listening when I hinted what I wanted?, Is he or paying attention to me or only buying what he/she wants me to have? Why can’t he/she remember that I hate pink, or that no longer wear size 12? Did he/she just grab something on the way home on Christmas Eve? The back story suggests that the giver knows very little about them and therefore doesn’t love or value them quite enough. At this point, you may visualize Humpty Dumpty leaning forward on the wall.  
    To avoid giving the wrong gift, many people give what is known as safe gifts: consumables like, cheese, a bottle of good wine, candy, especially chocolate, even gift cards are like a universal jack. Most people are likely to find these gifts useful but they are not likely to be remembered past the time they are consumed. Nor are they likely to help us to love one another.
    I think we’re missing the point of the whole reason for the season. The problem is that people seem not to understand that our lives are filled with stuff and yet we harbor the nagging suspicion that there doesn't seem to be enough love, happiness, peace or forgiveness to go around. Everywhere we look, there is grief and pain. There is anger and regret. There is bitterness. There is hopelessness and loneliness. And, while love can heal all wounds, love is in short supply. Buying stuff may help the economy but I doubt it helps us to love one another. Christmas is a holiday that gives us all an opportunity to show our love. According to Peg Bracken “Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas.”
    So perhaps this holiday season we should put an extra effort into another kind of gift giving-love. Here are some ideas and additional ones from Green Gifts of Time that I found on the internet.
1. Each year, some folks begin growing their hair in July so that by Christmas they will have braids to share with cancer patients who have lost their hair from the chemotherapy treatments. The braids are cut and lovingly presented to those who needs hair and who can’t, at least for now, grow their own.
2. Some families put out the word and invite all who are not otherwise committed, to their home for Christmas dinner. Fun is had by all.
3. Help your friend or family member with his or her favorite cause. Whether it’s Habitat for Humanity, a veteran’s support weekend or the Humane Shelter. Your gift will not only make them feel great, but you’ll also be helping to make the world a better place.
4. Give the gift of your time. From an hour to a weekend, let your loved one decide what they’d like you to do for them.
5. Help with a home improvement task. No home is without need for a little improvement. Whether it’s painting the house or planting some trees in the yard, offer up a few hours of your time to help them complete the task.
6.  Host a movie night: action, foreign, drama. If your loved one likes movies, you can host a movie night featuring all his/ her favorite films and snacks. Invite friends over for a true movie-going experience he/she won’t forget!
7. Be a baby sitter. For parents, getting away from the kids is a real blessing. Give a stressed out pair the gift of a night of relaxation by offering to babysit for them. For many parents, a night away is better than anything you can buy in a store.
    Christmas is all about giving. As humans we struggle to know how to be generous without measuring what we believe we deserve and to share our gifts without keeping score. When you give the gift of love, you makes a greater impact than any material thing ever could.
    Love outlasts any possession that money could buy. Love is truly the gift that keeps on giving.
            

Dr. Rachell Anderson is a native of Tunica, a licensed Clinical Psychologist, a Professor Emeritus and author. She taught at the University of Illinois and ran a Private Clinical Practice in Springfield, Illinois for many years. She now lives and writes in Tunica, Mississippi. Check out her website at WWW.drrachellanderson.com for more articles and books.
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    Dr. Rachell Anderson's monthly column appears in the Tunica Times in Tunica Mississippi and the Southern Roots Magazine in Meredian, Mississippi.

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