As a young school girl, I always got my birthday off from school because I was born on October 12. It was designated as Columbus’s Day. I was happy to have been born on such an historic day. Two of my friends who share my birthday seem to feel the same way. In my history classes, I was taught that Columbus discovered America on October 12, 1492. It became a national holiday in 1938, and even today, Americans get the day off from work to commemorate the day.
    I must say, I was throughly disappointed when I learn that I had been fed misinformation all those years. So were my friends who share my birthday. I imagine many of today’s students are also given pause and wonder about this and other lessons taught. Columbus did not discover America. In fact, lots of people were here and had been here some 20,000 years. So, to say he discovered is a misnomer. In reading the genetic code of nearly all native Americans, it is they who deserve the credit for discovering America.
    According to Brian Regal, Fellow of the Kean University Center for History, Politics, and Policy “Many animals were here and soon humans followed. In fact, all of North and South America contained are a variety of cultures stretching back before recorded history.” And people have been coming here ever since, chasing a better life, abundant food, water, shelter and opportunity. And what is clear is that America was a melting pot hundreds of years before the Statue of Liberty began urging the world, "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.” That remains true today.     
    In fact, scholars have known for decades that Columbus did not actually discover America and he never made it to its shores. He made it to what we now call the Caribbeans but not to the mainland. There was a long line of explorers who made it to the new world before he did. It’s more accurate to say Columbus introduced the Americas to Western Europe and paved the way for the massive influx of western Europeans that would ultimately form several new nations including the United States, Canada and Mexico. And for the native peoples who were already here, it was the opening of their land, people and cultures to disease, death and destruction.
    Poets, writers, historians and clergy got busy creating the new nation’s story. They embraced Columbus as the American hero. And I suppose the young nation needed a hero. He fit the bill; European, Christian and male. These stories are designed to make us feel special and good about our selves, to help us connect with others and to build a shared identity as a nation. We embraced these stories not knowing they bare little resemblance to historical truth.
    So, for me, the question remains. What must we pass on to the generations that follow us? Will it be truth or fiction? Truth, that symbolizes the solid, firm, upright and unshakable steadfastness of reality, or fiction, that deliberately false or improbable account of reality. Is truth the virtue that is used to build character of a person or a nation or shall we bend and blend it to suit our purposes? If we chose fiction, are we admitting that something is very wrong with how we’re living our lives and managing our nation? If that is so, shouldn’t we be about the work on fixing it rather that fictionalizing it?         The tales of America’s origin are messy and complex and I wonder what it would have looked like if we had been given the truth rather than fiction. It’s common for people to share only versions of the reality that they believe are acceptable to others and in the process, paint a different version of the truth. But truth doesn’t have versions. The truth is the truth. Some people believe you need lies to survive in a relationship. But lies don’t just hurt relationships, they can destroy them.
    The truth may be hard to face, hard to hear and hard to understand but it does exist. And that is what we need to pass on.
What’s a Person To Do?
1. Endeavor to be truthful. Stop and listen to your self critical voice. Find your truth and share that. Remember that only the truth will set you free.
2. Take a chance on people and be open honest and direct with them. The truth may not always be easy to hear, but in the long run, you will earn a lot more trust and respect from people when you are truthful.
3. To gain trust, you must tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may. If it’s important for people to trust you, your words must be reflected in your actions. No one is perfect and that includes all of us. The truth is often not easy to take but it’s the only way to find peace and a sense of security in the life you have created for yourself.
    So while you're enjoying the Columbus Day, remember the truth is more important than the fiction and in the end, however, it matters less who discovered American than what we do with and for our country and the people who are here today.

Women have loved others, cared for others and in general, fought for other when no one else was watching their backs. Still, this 2017, full equality for women is yet to be realized. Woman and girls are struggling to gain equal footing in work forces while in many cases, are the sole support for their families. For example, women doctors are paid 8% less than their male counter parts who are similarly trained and experienced. At academic hospitals, male physicians receive more research funding and are more than twice as likely as female physicians to rise to the rank of full professor. Yet,(according to research reported in Journal of the American Medical association (JAMA) female physicians actually tend to provide higher-quality medical care than males. JAMA further announced “If male physicians were as adept as females, some 32,000 fewer Americans would die every year—among Medicare patients alone.”
    In other research, girls as young as 6 years old begin to think of themselves as less smart than their male classmates. Psychologist noted that expectations for girls and boys are different. In much of our parenting, we protect our daughters and  permit our sons to soar. The reality is this type of parenting that stunts girls’ growth, self-confidence and drives them to believe that they are not equal to men. Even young boys recognize the unfairness of it. Imagine the implied messages that is processed by the growing brain of dolls and cars or airplanes as gifts. And while both girls and boys need to learn to nurture, everyone also need to learn to soar.
    A concept worth considering is-When women and girls succeed, America Succeeds. Women have helped us all to live better lives.  And it’s time to salute them for their efforts and to move their efforts forward.
    March is Women's History Month which has been celebrated since 1987. It’s an annual series of events that highlights the contributions of women to events in history and contemporary society. Still, we must acknowledge, there much to be done.
    In the words of President Barack Obama “Throughout our Nation's history, American women have led movements for social and economic justice, made groundbreaking scientific discoveries, enriched our culture with stunning works of art and literature, and charted bold directions in our foreign policy. They have served our country with valor, from the battlefields of the Revolutionary War to the deserts of Iraq and mountains of Afghanistan. During Women's History Month, we recognize the victories, struggles, and stories of the women who have made our country what it is today.  
    Will this be the time when women and girls in America can gain full equality? Is this the decade when girls are no longer discouraged from having passion and dreams for careers in science, technology, engineering, and mathematics? That’s where the money is and the men too, to that matter.
    Again according to President Barack Obama, “We are reminded that even in America, freedom and justice have never come easily. As part of a centuries-old and ever-evolving movement, countless women have put their shoulder to the wheel of progress–“
    Does it make sense to you that as much as they have contributed and sacrificed, women and girls continue to face workplace discrimination, a higher risk of sexual assault, and face earnings gap that will cost them hundreds of thousands of dollars over the course of her working lifetime? I believe most of you would say no to this question.
    Because each person has personal power, each of us can be an agent of change. With a common purpose of working for a better world, each of us can contribute to the process.
 What’s A Person To Do?
1. Be the change you want to see. Allow children live in a world where love is unconditional and gender neutral.
2. If you are an employer, give equal pay for equal work to all employees.
3. In family life, establish a set of values that all family members must follow.
4. At home, model equal family responsibilities between moms and dads.  
5. At home, assign chores equally. All hands can do dishes, make beds and nurture others.
6. Strive to treat your male and female children equally.
7. Refrain from telling or listening to gender specific dirty jokes even if you’re at a bar.
8. Toys need not be gender specific. Girls may strive to fly planes and drive cars and boys may enjoy playing with Barbie.  

   

Almost without us looking, a new concept has crept into our vocabulary and added another must do to the job for parents and folks who help children grow up to be healthy, functional and wise adults. Unlike math, reading, science and social studies, soft skills are about communicating, relating with others, and self discipline. These interpersonal skills may not be taught in schools’ curriculum, but like learning to spend wisely and balance your check book, learning them is necessary to prevent problems and gain success in the future. Soft skills are really social skills that needed for interacting with others.
    So, here is one list and there are others depending on the setting.
1. Manners
Being willing to say please, thank you, you’re welcome, yes ma’am, no sir. Hold the door open for someone? You get the point
2. Communication
A willingness to look the person in the eyes and speak to them in a clear concise way to get your point across.
3. Listen
A willingness to listen when others are speaking.
4. Build rapport
A willingness to connect with face to face with people and make friends and alliances.
5. Empathy
A willingness to see another person’s point of view.
Solve Problem
6. A willingness to gather help from others to solve difficult tasks.
7. Self Control
A willingness to share, control anger, outbursts and other emotions, and outbursts, respect others positions and space.
8.  Self Esteem and self-Confidence
A willingness to learn to accept oneself just as he or she is.
    Remember, your child has learned many things already. Many You taught many by example. Others were learned with your instructions. Some of these suggestions won’t be new.
What’s A Person To Do?   
1. You can’t do a don’t so in your private conversations at home, instead of telling them what NOT to do, tell them what you want them To Do. “Stand up straight.” “Look her in the eyes.” “Speak Louder.”
2. Teach by example. Practice manners in your life. Always say please and thank you. Hold the door open for people and use “excuse me” and “you’re welcome.” Your children to follow suit.
3. All kids should learn a little empathy.
Expose your children to other people’s lives. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, donate items to the Salvation Army, adopt a kid for Christmas, or help put together food baskets for needy families over the holidays and deliver them together.
4. Every child needs a bit of empathy. Expose your children to other people’s lives. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, donate items to the Salvation Army, adopt a kid for Christmas, or help put together food baskets for needy families over the holidays and deliver them together.
5. Involving your child in the day to day problems of life can help build their problem solving skills. Clean up messes together, replace batteries in things, catch a fish, teach them how to run the washing machine and expect them to help washing up.
6. Kids all too often use things like good grades and popularity as metrics to measure their self-esteem. If your child gets a bad grade, tell them “it happens” and try not to make a big deal about it.
7. By far one of the most vital soft skills, self-control does not come easy for children. They have to learn no is no and how to share. Start them young on this. Arrange play dates with friends or join a local parenting group with other parents and their children.





    


A Trick

    Count your fingers. How many times have you said to your self or to a child, “Good job, keep it up”? When I was in school studying to become a psychologist, the words poor self-esteem was often used by teachers and often followed by a poor grade on the child’s report card. For instance- if a child refused to do the required work, refused to join group activities or gave up easily on academic tasks or assigned negative attributes to him of her self like “I’m just not very smart” or “I don’t like my hair, eyes or other physical features, the diagnosis was cemented. Issues with self esteem is still with us today.
    So, really, what is self esteem and why does it matter?
Simply stated, self esteem is how we feel about ourselves. It’s a gage of how we see ourselves as valuable and worthwhile in our world. With positive self esteem, we have a sense of control over much of our lives, we feel capable, we stand up for ourselves and work to carry out our responsibilities. When we have positive beliefs and attitudes about ourselves, we are likely to do better at most of our endeavors. When we feel good about ourselves, the world looks better, our relationships seem better and our productivity increases.
    The opposite is true when we have low self esteem. We don´t feel good about ourselves. With this scenario, we are likely to be less motivated and less productive which causes us not to try to do our best. Friendships can suffer as frustrated kids seek negative attention. Children with low self-esteem may have trouble gaining the confidence they need to face and deal with their lives and learning responsibilities. This is the root of other serious challenges. For example repeated failure can lead to feelings of frustration, anger, anxiety and sadness. Children in this situation often give up and lose interest in learning.
    However, self esteem can be altered simply by living in this world. It can be build up or torn down. When children have high self-esteem they feel respected, are resilient and can feel proud, even when they screw up. They act independently and take responsibility for their actions. Typically, they are comfortable and secure in forming relationships, have the courage to believe in their ability to make good decisions that’s in their best interest even when there is peer pressure to the contrary.
    Building self-esteem is possible. Children can learn to improve how they see and value themselves and parents can help by being supportive and realistic.
What’s a Person To Do?
1. Do nothing for children that they can possibly do for themselves even though you can do it faster and better.
2. Be supportive yet realistic of the child’s efforts and hard work are important. Encourage them to take on new tasks, try new things and meet the challenges that come his or her way.
3. Help children discover their strengths and build upon them.
4. Help children perform beyond the limits they set for themselves.
5. Discourage negative self-talk.
6. Teach children positive affirmations and self compassion. Self-compassion is a willingness to look at their mistakes and shortcomings with kindness and understanding. After all, we’re all human and we’ll all make mistakes. Help them learn from their mistakes.
7. Teach them to embrace their uniqueness and refrain from comparing themselves to others. There is always someone prettier, smarter, cooler and taller. Also, there are plenty of folks that’s the opposite. No one will ever be just like your child. Each of us is unique.
8. Encourage children to hang around positive people who don’t put others down with criticism and threats. Believe me, there are many kids in these categories.
9. Remember, we all screw up. Mistakes help us learn. The key is to keep moving forward and keep trying.
    When we show kids how to be kind to themselves, their self esteem and therefore their productivity will improve.

© Dr. Rachell N. Anderson, Psy. D, August 5, 2019

Dr. Rachell Anderson is a native of Tunica, a licensed Clinical Psychologist, a Professor Emeritus and author. She taught at the University of Illinois and ran a Private Clinical Practice in Springfield, Illinois for many years. She now lives in Tunica, Mississippi and writes with the Tunica Chapter of the Mississippi Writers Guild. Check out her website at WWW.drrachellanderson.com for more articles and books she has written.