Love and Music Are Transcendent
By
Dr. Rachell N. Anderson
    It has been said that music is the food of love and many couples have a special song called “our song” that is the theme of their relationship. The song can serve as a kind of mental glue that binds them together. Maybe it was the song that was played when they had their first dance, first kiss or the moment they knew they were in love. The song can serve as an antidote in difficult times and it rarely loses its magic with age or cognitive decline.
    Why is that? You ask. Both music and love go to our heads. They trigger specific chemicals in the brain that make us think  better and feel good. And as a result, we behave better. Dopamine, adrenaline and norepinephrine increase when people fall in love and, also, when we hear or sing our kind of music, blood flows to the pleasure center of the brain and we feel an overwhelming fixation with our partner or our music and we get loving feelings. Dopamine creates feelings of euphoria while adrenaline and norepinephrine are responsible for the pitter-patter of the heart, restlessness and overall preoccupation that go along with experiencing new love.
    We’ve all experienced a song that sticks in our heads and stays most of the day. Known as ear worms, we may find ourselves singing along and it is impossible to get the tune out of our head. Psychologists know that we humans spend a large percent of our days engaging in random, spontaneous thinking that are not related to our present task. They have learned that most of it is soul searching, wondering how we are doing and how we are in relation to others and our environment. So love and music invite us to evaluate ourselves and to use what we find to be more than we have been; to become better people and to give new meaning to our lives. So by listening to and singing music, we find solace and join ourselves to the wellspring of life.
    Music is so heavily connected with themes of love. Musicians sing about love, songs are used to express love in all forms. Romantic, or love of friends and family, love for God and country are all there. Music is a big part of many people's daily life, and with very good reason.
    It is inevitable that romantic love changes over time. The euphoric flame changes from passionate love to a slower burning flame to what is typically called compassionate love. Couples in long term relationships have to give credence to the new flame. That does not, however, mean that the spark of romance is quenched. Music can trigger loving memories like no stimulant can. It connects couples to their past and provides a means for connecting to a shared past and a planned future.
    Our songs are not just for lovers. Friends, families and groups of people, indeed a nation who share songs, delight in them. Consider the songs God Bless America and America The Beautiful.
    Music reconnects people to others and makes it possible to form relationships and the emotions that go along with them.   Music can provide a crucially important link to the past but can also help us to build a better, interconnected future.
    You don’t have to be good at it to do it. Like the slogan says, just do it. With help from Phillip’s latest book The Music Instinct, here are a few suggestions.
What’s A Person To Do?
1. Sing your heart out. Singing is cheaper than therapy. It can lift your spirit and solve today’s pressing problems.
2. Listen to your music. It makes you more creative, boosts your memory, is good for your health and well being and can help prolong life.
3. Join a singing or music playing group or get a few people together and form one. Good friendships come from shared fun activities.
4. Wait to be surprised by your personal changes.
Love and music can humanize us all.

Giving and Receiving
By
Dr. Rachell N. Anderson
    As important days draw nigh, many of us feel entitled to get cards, gifts and yes, checks from friends and family. It makes us feel loved and even when we have limited funds, we endeavor to reciprocate. We have learned from a culture that promotes such ideas. We have learned that giving gifts is the best way to show how much we love; and that the bigger and better the gift, the more love there is. We believe for real, true love, the gift has to be both expensive and the very thing one really wants
s. That suggests the person has to, for quite a while, pay careful attention, listen and take note of what is important. Many important days could be ruined for the lack of the right present.
    Many people experience some combination of joy, rage, and frustration in seeking and receiving perfect gifts to and from others. Where did the practice of giving come from and what are the issues for continuing the practice?
     From the Three Wise Men to Jolly Old Santa Claus, gifting traditions contain many conflicting and sometimes negative views of giving. There are no easy answer. Some people withhold presents demanding good behavior (Naughty or Nice) Others demand a relationship or the right frame of mind. The Dalai Lama notes that one's own happiness is dependent on the happiness of others and “that happiness does not come from material things but rather from a deep, genuine concern for others happiness.” Romans believed that their giving would bring them good fortune in the coming year. Continuing in the Christian tradition, Dr. Martin Luther King noted how giving service benefits us all; that personal greatness and service to others are intertwined. "Everybody can be great, because everyone can serve."
    Motivations for giving are complex. Some of us give because it makes us feel good about ourselves to see others happy. Some give because we care about the welfare of others and the community. Still others give as a religious mandate; or because of social pressure or because we think of ourselves as generous and want others to think of us that way. While giving can feel good, it can also create discomfort if we’re always on the giving end or if the gifts we’re given are the kinds that we can’t match.
    Long standing research supports the benefits for giving to the giver. As a social act, giving ties us together for our mutual benefit. The willingness to give, or serve, or help, brings with it a certain compensation and psychological harmony. But are there effects of receiving? What about the sentiment expressed in a famous Bible verse: “It is more blessed to give than to receive”?.
    A study profiled in The Economist found that people don’t really like people who are too generous. In fact, they dislike it much as they dislike selfishness. It suggests too much giving makes the receiver look or feel bad. Some receivers see themselves as indebted as if there may somehow be implicit or explicit strings attached and no matter how much it’s disclaimed, the person who receives may feel indebted or inferior. Also, the giver may feel superior and the receiver’s dignity is assaulted. Worse, is when the giving produces a sense of superiority or pity, thereby reinforcing social inequalities. It must be concluded that gifts that lead people to feel poorer for having received the gift is no real gift.
    Giving—and receiving—needs to be done properly if it is to uphold human dignity. Moses Maimonides, the medieval Jewish philosopher, proclaimed “the highest form of charitable giving is performed anonymously.” Many believe giving anonymously is a great way to give if you don’t want to create any sense of obligation for the recipient. Others have suggested that the relationship must be the holder of the giving.
    Just as there are ethical ways to give gifts, there are proper way to receive them. The most important part of receiving a gift is reciprocating. This doesn’t mean you need to return gift-for-gift nor does it need to be given to the gift giver. It is giving to those you care about and to those who need your care. Also, give what you are able, when you are able and to the extent that you are able to give.        
    It’s a generous thing when people face crowds to buy presents to show family and friends their love. However, this giving in our culture has become so commercial it may be hard to remember the reason the season.
  What’s a Person To Do?
With some ideas from Sue Diamond Potts, M.A., I present this list to serve as food for thought.
1. Remember that little things mean a lot. Give your time as well as tangible gifts.
2. Get family members to exchange names and agree to homemade gifts with a spending limit.
3. Give books and read to kids or give co-operative games for children and spend time playing with each other.
4. Volunteer at a school. If you can sew, paint, carve, build or bake, you can teach it to the kids. Teachers will love you for it.
5. Visit a nursing home or a homebound elder or invite someone you know who has no family to your home for a festive meal.
6. Give coupons for your time. Offer your babysitting services for a couple who have small children so they can go out and enjoy time together.
  (C) Dr. Rachell N. Anderson, November 27, 2017    

Take Care of Your Mental and Physical Health
By
Dr. Rachell N. Anderson
    January is a good time to pay special attention to our mental health and plan for a healthy new year. Many people notice a reduction in their apositive feelings during January. Part of that is because we are further away from the sun and our activities around holiday happenings are finished.
    Few people stop to access their mental health and well being. Our ability to manage our feelings and deal with everyday difficulties are issues involved in our overall psychological well-being. How we feel about and treat ourselves and others are the important parts of the mix. Good mental health is important at every stage of life, from childhood and adolescence through adulthood and yet, many of us ignore it or treat it as though it doesn’t exist. Our physical health and our mental health are closely linked. Lack of care for one can lead to problems in both. How they feel about and treat ourselves and others are important component of our mental and social well being.  
    Research shows that how we think about and treat ourselves has a powerful effect on how we feel. So, how do people know when they are thinking and acting right? How do we know if what we’re experiencing puts us in the realm of being mentally healthy or having a mental disorder? Once we wear out our family members and friends, we can defy the stigma and seek professional support and treatment. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Then again, there are many changes each of us can do that will improve every aspect of our lives.
    Psychologist encourage people to start with simple self assessments like how they view themselves and their lives. How often do they engage in negative self talk like "I'm such a loser. I’m too fat, I’ll never be able to do that.” When we perceive our self and our life negatively, we begin to confirm that notion. Catch yourself doing that and stop it. Instead, practice using words that promote feelings of self-worth and personal power. Words like “It may be hard but I can do it” will boost your spirits and pump endorphins (the happiness chemical) into your brain. In addition, here are other things we can do to promote our mental and physical health.
What’s A Person To Do?    
 1. Speak to yourself in kind and gentle ways. Treat yourself with respect, and avoid self-criticism. Find the positive in what was once negative. Be grateful for it.
2. Pardon yourself when things go wrong. And they will. Life happens. In those moments when it all seems like too much, step away, and do something else until you feel a little better.
3.  Set realistic goals for yourself. Decide what you want to achieve and write down the steps you need to take to get them done. Aim high, and take foward moving baby steps toward your goal. Reach the goal and move on to the next one. Keep moving forward, even when things get hard. You'll enjoy a tremendous sense of accomplishment and self-worth as you progress toward one goal after another.
4. Take care of your body. Taking care of yourself physically can improve your mental health. Get enough sleep. Researchers believe that lack of sleep contributes to high rates of depression in all populations. Exercise. Your body releases stress-relieving and mood-boosting endorphins in the brain. Eat good meals. What you eat nourishes your whole body, including your brain. Carbohydrates (in moderate amounts) increase serotonin, the that makes you calm. Protein-rich foods increase norepinephrine, dopamine, and tyrosine, which help keep you alert. And vegetables and fruits are loaded with nutrients that feed every cell of your body, including those that affect mood-regulating brain chemicals. Include foods with Omega-3 polyunsaturated fatty acids (found in fish, nuts, and flaxseed.) Research shows that these nutrients can improve mood and restore structural integrity to improve your memory and thinking.
5. Surround yourself with good people. People who bitch, moan, complain and gossip soak up your good energy and give nothing back in return. Make plans with a support network and do fun things with them. Learn something new every day.
6. Do something for someone else. Research shows that being helpful to others has a beneficial effect on how you feel about yourself. Being helpful and kind builds your self-esteem.
7.  Seek help when you need it. Seeking help is a sign of strength — not a weakness. Therapy works because therapist listen with an unbiased ear and help people to overcome problems with solutions that are desirable. People who get appropriate care can recover from mental illness and live rich rewarding lives.
8. Start today. We all have the power to improve our mental and emotional health. It’s better not to wait for a crisis to seek help. Prevention is better than cure. Besides, it is easier to form new habits when you are feeling strong. Slowly putting in place routines, habits, and regular patterns will help you feel better and make this the best year for your mental and physical health.

Most of us know people whose characteristic thoughts and reactions are so negative and, we prefer to keep them at a distance. They are likely to notice the bad qualities in others rather than the good ones. For example, when they may see someone walking down the street laughing or wearing a big smile, they’re likely to think the person is simple-minded, drunk, or high rather than happy. Many people associate someone who is mostly happy as naive, immature or incompetent.
    On the one hand, if people are surrounded by lots of bad behaving, hostile and unsupportive people, it makes sense that they will have a negative views of humanity. On the other hand, too many can’t see far enough beyond their negative views to see  that there is good in the worse of us and bad in the best of us.
    To make matters worse, our own brain is conspiring against us. We have what psychologists call an intrinsic negativity bias. It’s the tendency to focus on and give more weight to negative experiences or information than we do of positive ones. It turns out that negativity bias is so ingrained in our psychology that it has already developed and become measurable by age 3, the time we become aware of ourselves as people.
    Still some people are noticeably worse than others at being negative. It starts with our early training. Our parents, teachers, and other adults tell us to act like a grown-up. We’re told to calm down, be quiet, and stop being so silly. Some of us grow up accepting these messages and the feelings of guilt that go along with them and incorporate them in our self messages. Psychologists call this inner voice self-talk, and it includes our conscious thoughts as well as our unconscious assumptions or beliefs. As we go about our daily lives we are constantly thinking about and interpreting situations in which we find ourselves. What kind of self talk is it? Is it mostly negative as in “you are too fat”, or is it positive as in; “keep at it, you can do it”?
    That internal voice in our head determines how we feel. As it turns out, if you can’t see the good traits in yourself, you’re likely to miss the best qualities in others. Seeing the good in others is thus a very powerful way to feel happier and more confident and more loving toward yourself.
    Even crooks, deadbeats, sociopaths, and everyone you know must have useful virtues, such as determination, generosity, kindness, patience, energy, perseverance, honesty, fairness, or compassion.
    It is likely that the good you see in others is also in you. You can't see that good if you did not have an inkling of what it was.
    You, too, have positive intentions, real abilities, and virtues of mind and heart. Those qualities are a fact, as much a fact as the chair you're sitting on. Take a moment to let that fact sink in. You don't need a halo to be a truly good person: A good enough person will do.
    As you become more proficient in finding positive aspects in other people, you get better at seeing positive aspects of yourself. Seeing the good in other people is not just necessary for having good relationships; it will also substantially improves your relationship with yourself.
What’s a Person To Do?
1. Take an inventory of your own good qualities. It’s not necessary to be flawless to be good enough person. Are you an honest person who speaks the truth with compassion, a good listener, appropriate, responsible, and on-point whenever it’s required? Do pay your bills, keep your word, forgive when things go wrong? That’s just a list. Make your own.
2. Keep an eye on the things you tell yourself, and challenge the negative self talk which produce negative feelings.
3. Your current way of thinking might be self-defeating. If it   doesn’t make you feel good or help you to get what you want, it’s time for a change.
4. Disputing your negative self-talk means challenging it and rewriting the negative to a more positive view.
5. Be willing to try and try again until you get it right.
    Remember, you and only you are in charge of your thoughts, feelings and behaviors. How you treat others is likely to be how you treat yourself. Good luck with the positive changes.   

   What Psychologists Tell Us About Racism
   By
Dr. Rachell N. Anderson
    Many wise people strongly believe that respect for the inherent worth and dignity of each member of the human family is the psychological foundation of freedom, justice and peace in the world. They believe we were all created by the same God and know that variations in the genome is very small at just 0.1% among all humans. Race is a construction, designed for a purpose. Just as race is a construction, so is racism. It’s learned behavior. Racism has is about thinking of oneself as different from other people. People who hold racists beliefs and behaviors see others as less than, and themselves as superior. Just as you have beliefs about everything- about poor people or immigrants, for example, you have to wonder where those beliefs began and how they are reinforced.
    Racism is constructed and reinforced by the social environment in which we live; teaching from our families, the schools and churches we attend, and our neighbors.
    Racism is a problem in the human family. Both active racism and passive acceptance of race-based thinking disrupt the mental health and psychological functioning of both victims and its perpetrators. And, racism is expensive both fiscally and psychologically. We put up fences, live in gated communities, lock our cars and hold our purses close when we see people who are different from ourselves. And while we’re doing that, our anxiety grows. The psychological toll racism takes on all people is measurable. People get depressed, fearful and anxious. It comes up physically with high blood pressure and heart disease. Those who are victims of racism are constantly on the look-out fearing someone or something will hurt them and their family members and/or put them at a disadvantage. Their fear may make them want to fight or flee.
    Dr. Patricia Dass-Brailsford of Georgetown University believes that psychological and behavioral problems are expressions of pain and efforts to cope with unacceptable environmental demands.
    According to Dr. Morgan T. Sammons, Ph.D, ABPP of the National Register of Health Services Providers, “We define “race” largely as a way of classifying people according to skin tone...” Since the early 19th century, in America, our obsession with race has been with proving the genetic, intellectual and social inferiority of African and native peoples. Before that, during the great waves of migration to America other groups from Italy, Eastern Europe, and Asia
    So, in our society, most people have racial biases of which they may or may not be aware. With so much material to absorb, humans need to catagorize things in order to make sense of them. However, whether these unconscious biases develop into hateful beliefs and actions are also learned. People who are racist become more racist, when something they believe in is threatened.
    Research from Social psychologists working in the field of attribution theory consistently showed the effects of perceptions based on skin pigmentation or other external characteristics. They remind us that even if “race” doesn’t exist as a genetic phenomenon, racism certainly is clearly linked to how we behave toward people. For instance, in the criminal justice system juries tend to assign blame and hand down the death penalty according to their perception of a particular group.
    Dr. Gordon Allport, Ph.D. conducted a longstanding line of research that aimed to combat bias among conflicting groups. He called it contact hypothesis. He found that contact between members of different groups could assist in reducing prejudice and promote greater understanding between groups. Additional research suggest cooperation towards shared goals, equal status between groups, and the support of local authorities and cultural norms enhance the process. In other words, different groups can come together as part of one overarching community.
    To help reduce the problem of racism in the human family,
Psychologists encourage each of us to do our part.
What’s A Person To Do?
1. The more you connect with people unlike yourself the more you’ll learn and the wiser you’ll be. Connection promotes identification with other people and the groups to which they belong. In other words, your relationships with other people become part of who you are. This is referred to as including the other in the self, a notion introduced by Stephen Wright, Arthur Aron and colleagues.
2. Refuse to utter or listen to the negative, simplistic and painful stereotypes we all know well. We’re less likely hold on to what is not constantly repeated. It’s nearly impossible to hold onto a simplistic, negative stereotype of someone you know well.
3. Examine your own thoughts and behaviors and determine if they are consistent with how you want to be thought of and treated as a member of the human family. Do your best to make the necessary changes in dealing with others.
(C))Dr. Rachell N. Anderson
  Dr. Rachell Anderson is a native of Tunica, a licensed Clinical Psychologist, a Professor Emeritus and author. She taught at the University of Illinois and ran a Private Clinical Practice in Springfield, Illinois for many years. She now lives in Tunica and writes with the Tunica Chapter of the Mississippi Writers Guild in Tunica, Mississippi. Check out her website at WWW.drrachellanderson.com for more articles and books she has written.